From my London Fog Latte…

•January 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment
photo from Flickr

photo from Flickr

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

— Anne Morriss, Starbucks customer from New York City. She describes herself as an “organization builder, restless American citizen, optimist.”

Don’t you just love finding inspiration on the back of your coffee cup?

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Yes, He’s My Boyfriend and Yes, We’re Getting Married

•January 12, 2009 • 2 Comments

A few weeks ago, we were sitting on the couch, and I referred to Dan as my boyfriend.

“I’m just your boyfriend?” he said.

“Well, you’re not my husband yet.  You could be my fiance.”

He frowned.

“Or, uhm, my partner? Betrothed? Husband-to-be?”

None suited him very well.  So I stuck with boyfriend.

Yes, we’re getting married.  No, we don’t refer to each other as “fiance.”  Part of this is probably because we didn’t have a proposal – yeah, we’re getting married, and yes, we’re actively planning the wedding, so technically, we are engaged [believe me, I checked into that – but the consensus from most people is that if you are planning a wedding and planning to be married, you’re engaged, no matter what you say about it, proposal or no], but I just feel weird calling him my fiance.

But I also find people are really confused when I tell them about my wedding, and then refer to him as my boyfriend.  It’s like when I tell them I’m getting married, and they ask about the proposal, or the ring – because we didn’t have the traditional proposal, that all got thrown out the window (well, we brought some of it back in the window, but most of it got thrown out the window).

Now, the only time he refers to me as his fiance is when he’s introducing me to someone I haven’t met or he hasn’t seen in a long time (well – it was “This is Jessie, my girlfriend, well, I guess, fiance.”)

I’ve actually begun to full on transition to full on fiance mode – but it’s really, really tough, and I always go back and forth between Boyfriend and Fiance, which I am sure confuses people even more.

Another issue we had with the lack of proposal is that we’ve known that we were getting married for awhile.. but we weren’t sure when to start telling people.  So when I saw my friend Hannah at the end of December, when I hadn’t seen her in six months, I casually mentioned the wedding, and the venue, and the dress… and she said, “YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?!?” as I had apparently forgotten to fill her in on this minor detail.  Oops.  I’ve begun mentioning it to more people, though I still do get the “YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?!?” response quite a bit.

So please – if you know us, and are reading this, and thinking “OH MY THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED?!? and DID NOT TELL ME?” well – we are very sorry we didn’t mention it sooner.  But yes – we’re getting married.  We are very excited.