Yes, He’s My Boyfriend and Yes, We’re Getting Married

A few weeks ago, we were sitting on the couch, and I referred to Dan as my boyfriend.

“I’m just your boyfriend?” he said.

“Well, you’re not my husband yet.  You could be my fiance.”

He frowned.

“Or, uhm, my partner? Betrothed? Husband-to-be?”

None suited him very well.  So I stuck with boyfriend.

Yes, we’re getting married.  No, we don’t refer to each other as “fiance.”  Part of this is probably because we didn’t have a proposal – yeah, we’re getting married, and yes, we’re actively planning the wedding, so technically, we are engaged [believe me, I checked into that – but the consensus from most people is that if you are planning a wedding and planning to be married, you’re engaged, no matter what you say about it, proposal or no], but I just feel weird calling him my fiance.

But I also find people are really confused when I tell them about my wedding, and then refer to him as my boyfriend.  It’s like when I tell them I’m getting married, and they ask about the proposal, or the ring – because we didn’t have the traditional proposal, that all got thrown out the window (well, we brought some of it back in the window, but most of it got thrown out the window).

Now, the only time he refers to me as his fiance is when he’s introducing me to someone I haven’t met or he hasn’t seen in a long time (well – it was “This is Jessie, my girlfriend, well, I guess, fiance.”)

I’ve actually begun to full on transition to full on fiance mode – but it’s really, really tough, and I always go back and forth between Boyfriend and Fiance, which I am sure confuses people even more.

Another issue we had with the lack of proposal is that we’ve known that we were getting married for awhile.. but we weren’t sure when to start telling people.  So when I saw my friend Hannah at the end of December, when I hadn’t seen her in six months, I casually mentioned the wedding, and the venue, and the dress… and she said, “YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?!?” as I had apparently forgotten to fill her in on this minor detail.  Oops.  I’ve begun mentioning it to more people, though I still do get the “YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?!?” response quite a bit.

So please – if you know us, and are reading this, and thinking “OH MY THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED?!? and DID NOT TELL ME?” well – we are very sorry we didn’t mention it sooner.  But yes – we’re getting married.  We are very excited.


~ by Jessie on January 12, 2009.

2 Responses to “Yes, He’s My Boyfriend and Yes, We’re Getting Married”

  1. I still like betrothed. Promised seems a little Churchy and pledged is nice, but it sounds a little- allegiancey.

    I do like that betrothed only has one meaning and engaged can also mean “involved especially in a hostile encounter ” or “in gear”.

  2. Haha, ok, Lindsey’s comment is very good. Engaged does have several meanings, whereas betrothed only has one. And I know most people find betrothed to be a little old fashioned sounding….but you know that I’m a huge history dork, so OF COURSE, I love it. Please call Dan your betrothed from now until your wedding day. And as the friend Hannah who was surprised that you were getting married…it wasn’t so much that I was surprised that you were getting married. I mean come on, I’ve expected it of you and Dan for quite some time now, but more that there wasn’t more excitement from you since you’ve been looking at wedding magazines and have generally been wedding obsessed ever since I met you. However, at the same time, you’re not one to draw undue attention to yourself, so I guess I’ll let it slide, even though there was a time in our lives when we didn’t go to dinner without informing one another, let alone an actual major event. In any case, I’m so happy for you and Dan and all my love and best wishes for the actual day, as well as the marriage beyond. I can’t wait to share the next 50 years with you guys.

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